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Joe Mathlete vs. The Internet | Platformers community | woooooo
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From Ryan's BlogEntry at 1Up.com:
• Of Arrogance and Internet Drama (Update 7/18/2007)
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Of Arrogance and Internet Drama
by BlazeHedgehog
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So I guess I should write something
by BlazeHedgehog
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Vampire Rain Xbox 360 impressions
by BlazeHedgehog
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Guerrilla Advertising v2.0: Halo 3's I Love Bees
by BlazeHedgehog
•
Been meaning to write something for a while
by BlazeHedgehog
• Amendum
Warning: Datafall has been unable to access this particular feed since 2008-09-06 22:00:43.
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It seems to me that MGS4 is a non-game. Two 90 minute-ish cut scenes? What the fuck is wrong with you fucks? Video games are supposed to be interactive. But anyprophet, the MGS series has a great story and blah blahblahblahblahblahblah. You know what? Fuck you. If you can't fucking involve me in the story, you're a shitty fucking story teller. At least have the common fucking decency to limit your cunting cut scenes to 10 minutes or less. Emphasis on the less.
It seems to me that this asshole here is an asshole. Sure, if you selectively compare Macs to PCs offered through shitty vendors like Dell and HP the prices are going to be comparable. And, sure, if you pull prices off of newegg for the exact same components that are in a Mac the prices will again be comparable. But holy shit. What a stupid fucking way to do it. The power of the PC as a platform is that you have choice. If you take away that choice you get the Macintosh. Holy fuck, what a dumb faggot.
It seems to me PC gaming is not dead. It's just middle aged. And the trick of wearing expensive clothes and driving expensive cars is no longer getting it pussy because it now has a toupee and a pot belly. Better graphics aren't going to sell you millions of copies of a game. Just look at Crysis. You stupid fucking developers need to get some ambitious people who are willing to expand game design. And either make copy protection transparent or fucking get rid of it. Also, put every single goddamn PC game on Steam, you fucking cunt-for-brains motherfuckers. Physical media was invented in the fucking 19th century. Move beyond that shit. I don't want to have to get off of my big fat ass and go to the store and get buy a game. Fuck that noise. Why do you think online retailers are making so much goddamn money? Because people can't illegally download shoes? Also, what the fuck is up with the stupid fucking NPD? Those assholes don't count Steam and they don't count MMO subscriptions. So fuck anything those cum troughs have to say. No, sir. PC gaming is not dead. It is in a state of transition. It is trying to find itself again. And I have great hope that it will. People will always have computers and companies like Nintendo and Sony and Microsoft will always try to have a closed platform that they can rake for money.
It seems to me that if your game isn't in stores on its so-called release date then YOU CAN'T FUCKING CALL IT A RELEASE DATE. I don't know who to blame, the publishers, the retailers or the asshole websites who tell us when a game is being released. And I don't really fucking care whose fault it is. This shit needs to get fixed. And it's a simple fucking fix! The assholes at the retail outlets know if a game is being shipped on its "release date" or if they'll actually have it in the store on its "release date". Why the fuck can't the advertising for the game tell me when I can fucking get my hands on the motherfucking box? Movies are available for purchase on their release dates! CDs are available for purchase on their release dates! What the fuck is your fucking problem, video game industry? Do you not know how to use a calendar? Are you too busy thinking of ways to get more rap stars into your games? JESUS FUCK!
It seems to me that Ryan Anderson is a stupid fucking asshole cunt douchebag asshole. How many more smelly old dicks do you have to suck in order to make senior fellow at your bigoted hate factory? Skip to about 2:35 in the the following video in order to see what I'm talking about.
It seems to me Vantage Point could have been a spectacular movie. Instead it is just your run of the mill action/suspense affair. It did a pretty damn good job in the begining of the film. The premise required a lot of leg work to set up. But they pulled it off very, very well. But then they fucked up the ending. What kind of cold-blooded terrorist swerves to miss a little girl? The motherfucker just killed hundreds of innocent people, why spare a girl? We know that he isn't afraid to take innocent lives while up close and personal because he straight up shot that dude's brother without any fucking hesitation or remorse. But when he's driving a goddamn ambulance he's not going to plow through a 5 year old girl? What the fuck? What a cheap fucking way to end the movie. The lazy fucking writers got out of having to think of what plans the terrorists had for the president. It was pretty fucking important to them that he be alive. And it was pretty fucking obvious that they had spent many years and many millions of dollars in order to pull off the kidnapping. I was expecting a verbal confrontation between the president and the lead terrorist. That could have been awesome and it would have elevated the terrorist beyond a one-dimensional prick with a bomb and a gun. So fuck you stupid fucking Hollywood cunts for not giving a shit about telling a good story. OH BOY THERE WERE EXPLOSIONS AND CAR CHASES AND PEOPLE GETTING SHOT, THAT'S ALL OUR AUDIENCE WANTS BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL AS FUCKING STUPID AND INBRED AS WE ARE.
Click through for the rest! This shit ain't one panel.
Click through for the chilling conclusion!
It seems to me no one really believes anything in the Bible. In American, and most of the motherfucking world, God is just something you're supposed to believe in. But people really don't give a fuck about their own religion. Next time you're talking to a Catholic ask them if they eat meat on Fridays or use condoms or support divorce. And the next time someone tells you that homosexuality is a sin because the Bible says so, ask them if they eat shellfish or if they think that if a woman is found to not be a virgin on her wedding night the town should stone her on her father's doorstep. It's all there in the same fucking book as the gay bashing lines. And why do people blatantly ignore things they claim to believe? It's not because of that faggot God. It's because of modern values like human rights, democracy, sexual and racial equality, and motherfucking science. These things have made many parts of the Bible horribly fucking barbaric and believing them has become impossible. The Bible contains no guide telling us which parts to discard. We have done it on our own. So don't you think it's time we dropped the fucking act? The Bible is a book of myths and it can go fuck itself.
It seems to me that words cannot describe how much I fucking hate World of Warcraft. IT IS A FUCKING CARROT ON A STICK AND ALL OF YOU ASSHOLES PLAYING IT ARE RETARDED FUCKING TORTOISES. It is a fucking toothless crack whore. Sure the blowjob feels good, but with every ejaculation you lose a little bit more of your humanity. Everyone, stop fucking playing this game. It is a fucking Everquest clone. Playing is more akin to work than fun. No, seriously. Stop fucking playing you stupid fucking cunt sores.
It seems to me that the Linux community needs to shape the fuck up. Seriously. If you fucking assholes hate Windows and OS X so fucking much then why don't you fucking do something about it? While installing Linux and getting a computer up and running is easier than it has ever been(mostly thanks to the goddamn gutsy gibbon) it's still a bitch and a half getting any non-distro-specific software up and running. Which includes most of the compelling hardware out there. Like DVR software. Bottom line: MAKE INSTALLING AND UPDATING AND USING SOFTWARE EASIER YOU FUCKS. It's like trying to pick up a whore. You have no idea if the skank you're propositioning is a cop or has herpes or has some 400lb guy with a bat waiting for you in her rat infested hotel room down on G street and the guy beats you up and they steal your wallet and you can't call the cops because you just got burned by a whore and you don't want to lie to the cops because you got a record and besides they probably don't care anyway because they're too busy pulling over fucking speeders instead of trying to catch violent gang members or murders. I mean, seriously. That fucking street is wide open and there are no buildings anywhere and it is divided by concrete. Why the fuck is the fucking speed limit only 40? You can safely to 60! Just fucking make it 50 and be fucking done with it. Fucking fuckers.
It seems to me that vegans are some of the stupidest motherfuckers on the entire fucking planet. They're worse that fucking retards. At least retards didn't fucking decide to be retarded. Vegans willfully behave like cunts. Now, there are a few types of vegans. Some think it is healthier to eat nothing but plant products and there are some who think that eating meat is cruel. I can't really say which group disgusts me more. Fucking douche bags. But they're not half as bad as the raw food vegans. These quacks take douche baggery to astronomical heights. They don't think it's natural to cook food or eat meat. What the fuck? I mean, seriously. That level of ignorance is rivaled only by Southern Baptists and ID proponents(Southern Baptist ID proponents are missing fully 3/4 of their brains, it's a fact). Ignoring that motherfucking mounds of evidence that we are goddamn omnivores, the only way to healthfully eat raw food is by using modern fucking sanitation technology! Jesus Fuck! Mary Shit! Joseph Colorectal Cancer! Put down that fucking kale and have a fucking bacon sandwich you ignorant shitheads.
It seems to me that Fox News has zero journalistic integrity. How the fuck does a multimillion dollar news network base a segment of a show on the insane scrawlings of a dimwitted Christian radio host? If you're reading this I'll assume you know what I'm talking about. But just in case: Fox News had a round table "discussion" about the sex scene in Mass Effect. And the asshole christian I just mentioned wrote an editorial claiming that the sex in the game is explicit and customizable. It is neither. You get butt and side boob and it occurs during a scripted scene that you have zero control over. It's something that you might see on, oh I don't know, a prime time network drama on a station like Fox. EA, the now owners of Bioware and Mass Effect, asked Fox News to make a correction. And what was Fox's response? A big stinking "Fuck you!". Fox claimed that they had invited EA to send a representative to the discussion and that EA didn't respond. SO I GUESS THAT MAKES IT OK TO FLAT OUT FUCKING LIE, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNTS! Even before all of this I fucking hated Fox News. But now I know you're fucking asshole liars who don't give a flying fuck about the truth. I guess that Hell you fucking faggots believe in isn't such a bad place. Or maybe Rupert Murdoch is paying a fair price for your souls. And your integrity.
It seems to me porn, that is designed for men, does not need a goddamn story. There needs to be a hole and it needs to be filled with something. Cock, dildo, tongue, finger, shit, whatever. And it doesn't help that all of the stories in porn are super fucking ridiculous. Women don't pay for pizza with sex! Nurses don't help you donate sperm! Women don't want their gyno to fuck them with a speculum and then fill their vagina with piss! Your daughter's hot friend doesn't want you and your drunk buddies to come in her ass! Your girlfriend's mom doesn't want to teach her daughter how to suck your dick! Your prom date's dad doesn't want to watch you fuck his daughter! Some dude isn't going to pay two dog-dicked black dudes to tag team his wife! Who the fuck is getting off on these stories? Stop writing stories and start charging us less for porn!
It seems to me Christians don't really follow or respect most of the Ten Commandments.
1. You shall have no other gods before Me
This one is funny because Christians disguise their other gods. They just call them "angels" and "saints". This is a pretty shitty loophole. They aren't technically gods so it's ok to worship them and pray to them! God is an egotistical dick! He doesn't want you worshiping Mary!
2. You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
3. You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
This one is a goddamn joke. Who actually does this anymore? Fucking squares, that's who.
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Let's forget for a moment that the Sabbath is fucking Saturday, who actually takes all of Sunday off to pray and worship God? Even fucking Christian book stores(who presumably will sell you a copy of the Ten motherfucking Commandments) are open on fucking Sunday. And the punishment prescribed by the Bible for breaking this commandment? Death.
5. Honor your father and your mother.
This is one that I actually agree with. Parents need to beat their children more often. The average kid today is a fucking pussy.
6. You shall not murder.
Wow. What an amazing fucking commandment. This has pretty much been the law of the land ever since our hairy-dicked ancestors first stood upright. The Hebrews would have looked like total amateurs had they not included it. And it's fairly odd that it's the 6th on the list.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
Interesting. Very interesting. I can understand having this as an offense punishable by death back in the days when women were considered to be property. Ahhhhh. Simpler times. Simpler times.
8. You shall not steal.
This is in the same category as the murdering one. A rule against stealing? Wow! So much insight and wonder!
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
Right, right. No lying. No perjuring. Etc. Boring. This came from the mind of an all powerful God?
10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
This one is probably my favorite because it is describes a thought crime. And if people actually followed this commandment capitalism would basically collapse.
Hmmm. This post isn't very good. Oh well.
It seems to me faith is just a codeword for "I'm a fucking moron who can't think myself". I recently overheard a woman talking about a confrontation she had with a skeptic. And apparently this skeptic said that he had a hard time believing in God and the Bible because there just wasn't enough evidence. And the woman's response to this was stereotypical of believers. The point of faith is that you believe without knowing! You trust in God because you can feel His presence! What the fuck is the benefit of that? Why is faith such a goddamn virtue? Why can't these people use their fucking brains? What the fuck is wrong with questioning the authority of the Bible? Is our education system really so shitty that people cannot think for themselves? Or is everyone actually so scared of Hell that they'll take Pascal's wager? Or is everyone scared of reality? Scared that you won't be able to find meaning in your life. When meaning is assigned externally whatever happens is almost completely out of your hands. What a fucking pussy way to live.
It seems to me banning gay marriage is the same thing as banning the color red. No, I'm not fucking exaggerating. Where someone choses to stick their penis or their tongue behind closed fucking doors is just as much as a choice as the color of a shirt or a car or a hairdo. The only difference real difference is a few lines in the goddamn Bible. Because of what some faggot wrote down in the motherfucking Bronze Age, we get saddled with ignorance and bigotry and hatred.
And guess what, Huckabee, you fucking asshole douche. The Constitution isn't in line with God because the Constitution is based upon rationalism and equality and fairness. The policies of the Constitution stand up under their own weight. The words in the Bible are propped up by a magic space ghost who DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST. You fucking religious assholes need to grow the fuck up and defend your beliefs on their own merits. "Because God said so". Is not an answer. Unless the question is "Why am I such a stupid fucking cunt?"
It seems to me that this country's opinion of sex needs to be reset. Why is it such a taboo? I can understand why people hundreds and thousands of years ago wanted to control it: women were property. And you don't let other dudes fuck with your stuff. It's just not cool. But we have birth control and abortions! Why have they not destroyed the stigma associated with the act?
And speaking of abortion. Some crusty old douche bag sitting outside of my office was collecting signatures for a ballot measure that would require woman under 18 to get a parent's consent in order to get an abortion. FUCKING BRILLIANT! I can think of all kinds of problems with this right off the top of my fucking head. It will drive girls to illegal abortions, or they'll overdose while trying to induce a miscarriage, or they'll run away, or they'll attempt suicide. Or they might actually go to their parents and get beaten to death. I can also think of a better way to handle the situation: reduce the number of teen pregnancies. Crazy notion, I know. But I'm a fucking lunatic.
But if we actually wanted to reduce teen pregnancy teens need to be well educated regarding sex. It has to go way fucking beyond the "what goes where" bullshit. They need to know everything about sex. The good, the bad, the fisting. They also need guilt free access to birth control. Condoms are cheap you fucking asshole parents. Also, what harm can come from a 15 year old getting a blowjob? HE MIGHT COME ON THE RUG!
